Oh please, no, not another blog moaning about the state of the world.
Well... possibly. But don't worry, it'll disappear in a couple of weeks when he runs out of stuff to say.

How can you be so sure?

Just a wild guess. Now shut up and listen. He's a self-employed English teacher and translator who's been scraping a living in Spain since 1990 and he's just realising he's made a big mistake.

Oh yeah? Dived into the pool without filling it up, did he? Forgot to put tonic in his gin?

It's not like that. He hasn't got a pool and gin without tonic isn't necessarily a big mistake.

So what's he moaning about?

Everything, basically. But what's driven him over the edge is the tax office.

Stop, stop, stop! Next!

Wait a minute... You never know, if this stops just one other person from doing the same thing...

Very worthy.

And of course he's going to tell us how ridiculous he thinks the system is, so that might be interesting.

Then again it might not. Tax isn't usually interesting unless we're talking rebates.

Well, he's had rebates most years till now...

That's interesting.

...but his gestor just told him he'll probably owe the tax office about 10,000 euros.

What's a gestor?

Hang on a minute, I'll look it up. Right, here it is. A gestor is an agent undertaking business with government departments, etc.

Why would he need one of those?

Because the system's so impenetrable that you need one to do anything from filling in a tax form to queuing up for hours to renew your driving licence.

Oh right. Is it a Spanish thing?

Of course it is. In the UK you get leaflets in generally understandable language to help you, but in Spain you don't and they even charge you for the forms you have to fill in.

That's a brilliant idea! If the DWP did that it'd make a profit!

I don't think the DWP'd dare do it, though you never know what bright ideas MPs are capable of. Anyway, let's get back to the point.

Is there a point?

Of course there's a point. I'll give you the short version: dad dies, mum dies, he inherits money and buys old house to renovate so he can move out of his walk-up 4th-floor flat with the terrible neighbours.

Ooh, terrible neighbours. Why were they terrible?

It's not important and it's not part of the story. Maybe another time.

OK. But I don't see the problem so far.

Ha! Neither did he, and that's the problem!

All right. You've got my attention. But make it short or I'm going.

There are two things he did wrong...

But you said...

...the first thing being that he transferred his money to Spain in a lump sum. Everyone told him to keep it in the UK or send it in small batches under the tax office radar. Trouble is, he's an honest sort of bloke and knows he wants to spend the money on a house, and how would he explain where it came from? So the money arrives after UK inheritance tax and hits Spanish inheritance tax. Wham! 15% or so. Wham! Fines for being late (the estate wasn't wound up for about a year). Wham! Non-deductible expenses for getting sworn translations and sworn copies and apostilles and a gestor to do everything. Wham! Charges for getting it to Madrid because it's the only place you can hand it in if you want it stamped received (which you do). Wham! Rage because if someone living in the Comunidad Valenciana, for example, gets left money from a close relative who also lived in the Comunidad Valenciana, it's barely taxed. But if one of the parties is from outside, big taxes.

That sounds a bit unfair.

Let's not go there. It's one of those things that are in the hands of the autonomous regions so you never know what's going on because, well, they're autonomous.

Autonomous regions?

You don't want to know.

OK, I don't want to know. What was the second thing?

Ah, yes, the second thing. He bought an old house that needed a lot of serious work doing on it, but it was big and cheap and in a small town outside the city.

Where?

Sagunto, about 30 km north of Valencia. You see, he's getting on a bit and fancied some peace and quiet. So anyway, he buys the house, gets the builders in, then sells the flat in Valencia once the house could be lived in. What with waiting for the planning licence and actually doing the work, this took about a year.

I like a happy ending.

It was happy! But it wasn't the end. Flat sold, newly-renovated house, lots of room and a couple of thousand in the bank for a rainy day - which could be any time now in Spain. Then comes the annual tax return.

Is this the bit with the 10,000 euros?

Yes. The poor innocent didn't realise that the money he'd make on selling the flat wouldn't offset the money he'd spent on renovating the house, even though he's only got the one house for living in.

That was a bit stupid of him, wasn't it? He might have known that any money he gets'll be taxed. I mean, we're not talking charities here, are we? And the tax office isn't one to miss a chance.

No, indeed. To be fair, though, he thought this sort of arrangement only applied to people with lots of money and lots of properties, and he's never had any money to speak of so it was easy to fall into the trap. He'd also seen somewhere that the money spent on renovating the house could be taken into account for two years after AND two years before the date of sale of the usual residence. 

Well that'll teach him. He should read things a bit more thoroughly, shouldn't he? Hang on a minute... it does seem to say that. Unless that throwaway bit at the beginning means that it only works if you get a loan to do the building work. And that's really going to happen if you've already got a mortgage! Anyway, it's not as if his money won't be put to good use...

It's not so much about all the wonderful ways the authorities can spend taxes, it's about urban regeneration.
Enough!
Who in their right mind would buy a house to renovate? They'd have to sell wherever they were living and stay in a hotel until it was finished!
That's it. I'm off for a drink.

Great! Mine's a pint.